This page provides information for to help young people who are being bullied or who are worried about being bullied.
It can be difficult to tell someone you are being bullied because you might be scared that you will get in trouble or that they might laugh at you.
This is very rarely the case but you can help this by making sure you trust the person that you tell.
Some people are scared that the bullying might get worse because the bullies will be mad that you have reported them. It is unlikely that you will be the only person being bullied by that person or group of people. This means it will be difficult for the bullies to know who reported them.
Ignore the bullies and walk away
People who bully usually do it to make them feel powerful and better about themselves by making you feel bad. This means that they are looking for signs that you are scared or upset by what they say or do to you. If you ignore their comments and walk away standing tall and looking confident (even if you don’t feel it) the bullies will not get the response they are looking for. If they are not getting a reaction from you then they might get bored and leave you alone.
Don’t get angry or fight back
When someone is being deliberately hurtful, it is natural to want to retaliate and fight back.
Information for Young People
Introduction
This information leaflet is to help young people who are being bullied or who are worried about being bullied.
What is bullying?
Bullying is when a person or a group of people do something to deliberately upset, hurt or embarrass you. There are many different types of bullying including:
- Being called names.
- Being teased repeatedly.
- Being pushed or pulled about.
- Having money and other possessions taken or messed about with.
- Having rumours spread about you.
- Being ignored and left out.
- Being hit, kicked or physically hurt in some way.
- Being threatened or intimidated.
- People posting insulting messages about you on the internet (cyber-bullying).
- People making abusive or silent phone calls.
- People sending offensive text messages.
Why do people bully?
Bullies often pick on things that they know young people might get upset about. This could include:
- The way you look
- The way you sound.
- The clothes you wear.
- The colour of your skin or hair.
- Having time off school for hospital appointments.
- Being popular or unpopular.
- How you’re doing in your school work.
- Being liked or disliked by teachers.
Lots of young people are bullied at some point during their childhood or teenage years. It can be very distressing when you are being bullied and it can be difficult to know what to do for the best.
Here are some top tips for what to do if you are being bullied.
Top tips
Tell someone that you trust
Bullies usually think that you won’t tell anyone and that is how they get away with it. Telling someone is a big step towards getting the bullying to stop. You should tell someone you trust such as a parent or grandparent, an older brother or sister, a good friend, a teacher, a school nurse, a GP, a psychologist or a youth worker. They should be able to support you when you are upset and give you advice and ideas for how you can stop the bullies.
It can be difficult to tell someone you are being bullied because you might be scared that you will get in trouble or that they might laugh at you.
This is very rarely the case but you can help this by making sure you trust the person that you tell.
Some people are scared that the bullying might get worse because the bullies will be mad that you have reported them. It is unlikely that you will be the only person being bullied by that person or group of people. This means it will be difficult for the bullies to know who reported them.
Ignore the bullies and walk away
People who bully usually do it to make them feel powerful and better about themselves by making you feel bad. This means that they are looking for signs that you are scared or upset by what they say or do to you. If you ignore their comments and walk away standing tall and looking confident (even if you don’t feel it) the bullies will not get the response they are looking for. If they are not getting a reaction from you then they might get bored and leave you alone.
Don’t get angry or fight back
When someone is being deliberately hurtful, it is natural to want to retaliate and fight back.
However, it is important that you try to stay calm and in control. By shouting or fighting back you could make the situation worse, get hurt or end up in trouble.
To help yourself stay calm you might like to distract yourself by thinking about something you enjoy or something fun you are doing that evening, by counting in your head or by taking deep breaths in and out. By staying calm you are more likely to remember exactly what happened so that you can tell someone you trust afterwards. Also, you won’t regret doing anything unkind or hurtful yourself.
Stay in safe places
Bullies usually pick on others when they are on their own. This is because it is harder to make you feel intimidated when you are with someone else and because they do not want other people to see what they are doing. It might help to try to stay in places where adults can see you or to stay with a group of friends.
If there are certain places where you know there is more likely to be trouble, such as certain roads or parks, you could try avoiding these places by
taking a different route or going to a different place to play or meet friends. It is also good to avoid being on your own when it is dark or to stay in places where there are lots of street lights.
Try to think up replies in advance
Replies don’t have to be wonderfully brilliant or clever but it helps to have an answer ready. You could practice saying them in front of a mirror at home or rehearse with your friends and family in an environment that you feel safe. The replies that you give might give depend on why the bully is targeting you.
If the bullies are targeting you because of your medical condition, it can be helpful to practice a short description about what your condition is and how it has affected you. If you felt brave enough, you could then ask the bully a question such as “did you watch the Newcastle match at the weekend?” or “did you watch EastEnders last night?”. This is aimed to distract them from being unkind and start a conversation about something that might be a common interest.
Some young people do not want to talk about their medical condition or have tried that already.
Here are some other replies that you might find useful:
- Not allowing the bullying to become an argument by saying things like “if you say so”, “you might say so”.
- Giving compliments can confuse the bully and throw them off e.g. “I like your school bag, is it new?”.
- Try repeating the same thing over and over again and the bullies may get bored. This works well if the bullies are trying to make you do something that you don’t want to do. This could include “no thanks”, “no I really don’t want to”, etc.
- Be strong. Tell the bullies with confidence (this might need some practice) to “go away” or “I don’t really care what you say”.
Positive self-talk
Some people find that talking to themselves in their head can really help. Tell yourself something good about yourself or try to remember all the things that you are good at, “I am good at basketball”, “my hair looks nice today”, “I am good at telling jokes”. This can help you to build a positive image about yourself and help you to feel more confident. Most people should be able to think of at least one good thing about themselves but if you can’t ask your friends and family because they should be able to tell you lots of good things.
Keep a diary of the bullying
Write down what happened and when it happened (day, date and time), where it was and who was there. Someone might be telling lies about bullying you and having examples written down might help when reporting to school or, in more serious cases, to the police.
Get others to say what they have seen
If there were other people around when the bullying happened ask them to write this down or to tell someone in charge (e.g. a parent, teacher or youth worker). It can sometimes be tricky because people might worry that they will also be bullied too if they tell but if you club together you can stand up against the bully and make sure something is done.
Stay safe online and on your phone
There are some simple steps that you can take to keep yourself safe from bullies online.
These include:
- Not giving anyone your password and changing it regularly.
- Only sharing your phone number with people you trust and never posting it online.
- Locking your phone.
- Changing your privacy settings so only your friends or the people you want can see your profile and details.
- Blocking phone numbers or people who are bullying you or you don’t want to talk to.
- Reporting problems to the website administrators. They can remove any bullying posts.
- Saving comments and messages from people who bullying you in case you need to use them as evidence later.
- Staying calm and not being rude back. If you need to reply simply make a statement telling them to stop bullying you.
- Thinking carefully about what information you are putting on these sites and about who might have access to it – even with strict privacy settings there might be a way for the bullies to see your information.
- Closing your account and opening a new one or changing your SIM card number.
Don’t bottle up your emotions
If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, tell someone. Some people who are bullied report feeling down, anxious and lonely. You do not have to cope with these feelings alone. Some young people report self-harming or the use of drugs and alcohol to cope with bullying. This might feel like a helpful response at the time but it is dangerous and will make you more anxious and depressed in the long run. It is important to tell your parents, carers, teachers or another adult you trust who can get you the support that you need.
Where can I go for more support?
www.nspcc.org.uk/services-and-resources/childline
www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/index.html
www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk
This information has been produced by the Department of Psychology in Healthcare. Clinical Psychologists are based at the RVI and Freeman Hospitals. If you have any further concerns about the issues discussed, please discuss these with your GP or medical team.
