Understanding and supporting the social interaction of autistic children and young people

Autistic people have a social interaction style that is different compared to people who are not autistic. Differences may include:

Autistic people use non-verbal communication differently. Their minimal use of eye contact might be helping them to manage sensory input and focus on what you are saying. However, this can be misinterpreted as not listening or not being interested.
Preference for direct, concise communication. This can make it difficult for autistic people to understand hints, implied meaning and assumptions, as this is not the way that they communicate.
Preference for fact-focused communication. This can cause autistic people to be perceived as “brutally honest” or “having no filter”. Autistic people may prefer to avoid speculation or gossip.
Preference for talking about their special interests. Autistic people are more likely to talk at length, and take longer conversational turns than a non-autistic person, when talking about the things they are passionate about. The autistic community call this ‘info dumping’. Autistic people are more likely to connect with others over a shared interest. They may avoid ‘small talk’ as a result.
Prefer conversation to be slower-paced, so that they have more time to process what is being said. They may find socialising in groups difficult, as a result of this.
Autistic people may have sensory needs which make it difficult to focus on a conversation. For example, difficulty processing background noise, bright lights, busy environments. Sensory differences can make typical social situations – such as soft play, friends’ parties, break times, the dinner hall – too overwhelming to join in.
Unstructured social activities such as break time may cause anxiety, as autistic people often prefer structure and routine.
Some autistic people prefer to spend time alone. It could be important for their sensory regulation. Interacting with non-autistic people who communicate differently, in an environment which is often overwhelming, can be exhausting! This can lead to meltdowns if their sensory needs are not met.
Some autistic people prefer to engage in an activity they enjoy (such as building blocks, reading or gaming) alongside a friend. It may look like they are not communicating with each other, but the autistic person may feel social enjoyment just from being with their friend.
Some autistic people prefer online friendships through social media or gaming.

Miscommunication goes both ways!

Our understanding of autism has changed. Recent research has shown that when autistic people communicate together there are few communication breakdowns and no perceived ‘deficits’ in social interaction. Autistic people understand each other.

The same is true when non-autistic people communicate together. However, when the two groups mix, communication breakdowns can happen because of misunderstandings on both sides. Autistic and non-autistic people can have difficulty socially interacting together because they do not understand each others’ communication and interaction styles. This causes them to misinterpret each other.

How can we support autistic children and young people?

For a long time, we assumed that autistic people had difficulty socially interacting, so needed help to learn how to make eye contact, take conversational turns, and maintain a topic of conversation. Now, thanks to recent research and listening to the autistic community, we understand that this is not accurate.

They simply interact differently compared to non-autistic people, and this is ok! We don’t need to teach typical social skills to autistic people, because there is nothing ‘wrong’ with the way they interact. Teaching autistic people to perform social skills which are not natural to them can lead to masking, which has a long-term negative impact on mental health and wellbeing.

The autistic community recommends that society supports them socially by:

Learning about autistic communication and social interaction differences, and teaching all children (autistic and non-autistic) about different communication styles.
Accepting autistic communication and social interaction differences.
Supporting autistic children/ young people to understand their diagnosis and needs, so they can advocate for themselves. For example, using a communication passport.
Adapt the environment to make interaction easier. For example, reducing background noise.
Supporting mutual misunderstandings, using a visual approach such as ‘Comic Strip Conversations’ to explore everyone’s perspective.
Explaining typical social conventions, using a visual approach such as ‘Social Stories’. The goal here is not to make someone behave ‘less autistic’, but to give them the social knowledge to interact with a range of people in a range of situations with more confidence.
Supporting language skills, such as comprehension monitoring, inference, non-literal language, and social problem-solving language.
Creating opportunities for autistic children and young people to socialise together, or make friends through their special interests. For example, Lego club at break time.
Providing a safe space for quiet time and/ or sensory regulation, especially during unstructured times at school.